So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
