i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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