I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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