Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
