Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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