Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
