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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I met the friendliest cop last night
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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