hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
