So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
