omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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