I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
