The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Randomize