I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
