Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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