i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
