so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize