Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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