We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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