That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I need a burrito and a hug.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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