She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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