before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
