it wasn't lemon gatorade
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
