I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize