Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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