He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
