if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
