she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
