Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
