i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize