I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
