you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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