i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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