I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
