My brain says no but my pants say off.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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