i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
