Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
