Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
