oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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