Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
