I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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