Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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