Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
pray to the hookup gods
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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