it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
