batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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