I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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