She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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