I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
