It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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