I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
