yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
