im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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