Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
