there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
