I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
