I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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