I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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