thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
