so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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