Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
