no, he came in my armpit
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
