Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
