don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
