I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
