we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
