dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize