My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
