this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize