Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
