fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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